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Project 52

1/52-Enough
I am enough. It is enough. Enough is enough.

The end of 2017 left me in a spiral of postpartum depression; frozen with anxiety, self doubt, and unable to cope. Feeling like I was never doing enough, or giving enough, or being enough for my family. I watched as many of my business ideas began unfolding in someone else’s hands because I didn’t have enough time to give with a newborn, 1 year old and 5 year old at home with me too. I struggled to get out and do things with people though I knew I should, because in short, I didn’t feel enough. I watched as our society took steps backward; and cowards fell in the shadows of abuse and chauvinism and woke up each day saying “ENOUGH ALREADY!”

I struggled to come up with my word for this week, this year. I had a few–and it didn’t settle on me until just hours ago. I was getting the last few things moved out of my studio in preparation for construction to begin to expand it and I realized I felt nerves. I suddenly felt pressure, and started thinking of ways to ensure this space would be a good investment for my business and family. Then doubt. Am I enough? I don’t compare.

But you never know unless you try. And in the end, that is always enough.

 

 

2/52-Unseen {something you don’t usually see}

Passing of time. Time lost. Running out of time. The elastic intangible. We all have it. We all loose it. We all need more.

 

 

3/52-Muse

I wasn’t sure how to capture this week.. the truth is there is so much that inspires me, and drives me. I started my journey into photography as an escape from responsibility, and the monotony of my day to day life, and it grew into so much more. I photographed my oldest daughter this week, because ultimately, she has been my most powerful muse. Inspiration to take the scary steps off the planned path ahead. When I gave her life, she in return gave it back to me. I found myself, truly, for the first time. She showed me the world through a different lens. She inspires my spirit, she is my ultimate muse.

 

52/4-Still I rise

{so shall she}

I came across Maya Angelou’s poem used as this week’s theme inspiration my second week hospitalized for suicidal ideations, depression, anxiety, ocd and severe bulimia. Never had I felt so alone as I did those first days in my room, stripped of all shoe laces, mirrors, glass, and anything that reminded me of home. I spent two months there; learning to love myself, remembering and making amends with what got me there in the first place. I’ll never forget the feeling of having that fire reignited within me as I read Maya’s words.

Now a mom of three beautiful little girls it is my job, my promise, to teach them to overcome. They will not be silenced, they will be heard. They will not be weak, they will be strong. They will not hate, they will love and show love always. Still I rise, and so shall she.

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