Things they are a changin’

Welcome to my new website and blog space!  I am so excited and proud to share it with the world…I’ve been working on final details today, and really reminiscing about the road getting to this point.  A point of happiness, success, and so much love to share with the world.  As with everyone, my life’s journey hasn’t been all roses and ice cream but the last four years have been an avenue of positive growth, and establishment and I can say today, I am so happy.  I am happy to know you, and if I don’t know you, I’m happy your here.  

I recently came across something I wrote almost exactly four years ago to the day.  I always love reflecting on my growth, and I think it’s so important.  I thought it’d be fun to share it with you: 

“It always takes some emotional event for me to get to the point of writing things down.  It’s funny how once my own resources are exhausted, and I feel as if I am going to boil over my one constant go-to is words.  It’s just ironic to me that in the face of not being able to expel feelings, and thoughts, by talking or doing, I tend to write.  Every now and then I look back on my writings though, and I am brought right back to where I was the instant I wrote them.  It’s a funny thing.

We all have had those times where mortality seems inevitable but so distant it’s incomprehensible.  I think we’ve all looked in the mirror at ourselves from time to time and thought, “wow, this is me.”  I’d even gamble to say that most of us have looked in the mirror at least once and said…”wow, this is me?”  We have this one life, this one time on earth as who we are, and what is it that we do with that time?  At what point do we all get to a point where we look in the mirror and say…”yes. This is me, and I love it!”

In the end, we have very little control over our mortality.  We may try to make good decisions, and use our best judgment but in the end, if a person decides to run a red light long after it turns and hit you while you’re riding a bike, by god, that is what it is going to do.  And the only real decision that we can make in life, which will have a direct effect on the quality of our life, is the decision to be happy (or not).   And who doesn’t want to be happy.

For a while in life, I considered myself unlucky; unlucky in love, unlucky in health, unlucky in wealth, and unlucky in circumstance. I’d always been told, “your angels are watching out for you.” But whenever I really went for something, and really thought I wanted something I felt like they’d fall through.  I was flat out unlucky.

It’s funny how things work.  I realize now, all along, my “angels” have been on my shoulder.  They never let me loose sight of what was important, but they always let me figure it out some way.  In the end, decisions about our lives have to come from our-selves.  And we have to be satisfied with those decisions to be satisfied in life.  But circumstance will never waiver.

For all these years, I have waded through a fog of beliefs powered by money and prestige. These things I knew: I can do whatever I want if I tell myself I’m going to do it; my family is always behind me; I love art, photography, crafting, talking to people, and caring for people; I want to be a mom; I want to be a good wife; I want to have healthy relationships with my family and friends.

I drew this picture when I was 6.  It’s really quite brilliant.  It’s a self-portrait of me dawning a white cap with a cross, a white pantsuit, and a stethoscope with a little white bag in my hand.  It says “When I grow up I want to be a nurse because my aunts and uncles say that I would be a good nurse.  My aunt Evelyn is a nurse and I will like it.  I like helping people. I think I’ll do a good job.”  Which seems like one of life’s jokes to me now.  Very funny irony, you win again!

It is so easy for us to hold onto things that we know, when we don’t want to hold onto ourselves.  The irony in life will catch up to us when we do this.  Where does power and prestige come from?  How is wealth accrued?

We listen to the wisdom of those we respect.  But if we use that wisdom without our own perception we cannot become the wiser.  In the marathon for monetary and societal respect, it is easy to loose sight of the pedestal that already supports us.

I know now, that luck may not be the foundation of life’s circumstance, but instead it may be reason.  Because life is funny like that.  I know now that I am not only lucky, but I’m wise, and healthy, and rich.  Doesn’t this become the equation for happiness?

I know now, I mean really know it now. Not just like, know that this is what people say so it must be true sort of thing.  But really know, because it’s a part of me type of thing.  That wealth is not something that comes with money and fame.  It comes with love, and truth, and happiness.  It comes from being surrounded by people who want you to be happy, and help you succeed in whatever way you want to succeed.  Wealth comes from doing what makes you look in the mirror and say “yes! This is me and I love it!”  And what is more prestigious than being the wealthiest person in the world?”