Through the change

It’s hard not to feel heavy every year thinking about the people lost and those still hurting.  The sacrifices made, and the change forced upon us–the evils in the world so tangible.  It’s much different now, now that I have a kid. Today I can’t help but think about what her life will be like in twenty years, with the world so contorted.   Above all, I hug a little harder; say I love you a couple extra times; and feel grateful more than normal.

On the dates surrounding 9/11/01 I collected newspapers.  I knew I’d need to show my children one day the event that changed our world SO much in our lifetime.  And I knew it needed to be a tangible object–because for me, its so much more meaningful if its from the actual event.

On 9/11/02 I was in my first year of college and it was the first year of remembrance.  I hurting really bad this day–I cried a lot.  I didn’t talk to people much.  I called my mom, I remember.  And we mentioned how sad it was still…I reminisced about where I was the day of the event–in my AP english class, freaking out because my dad was flying in the Pennsylvania area.  When I hung up the phone with her I went for a walk around my amazingly beautiful campus and took pictures with the very first digital camera I ever owned.  Finding the beauty, capturing it, reflecting.  It made me begin to feel better.

On the way home, I collected some more newspapers.  I had a project due that week for my art class…and so I created.  I made a notebook collage of newspaper clippings, quotes, speculations.  And when I was done, well after midnight, I felt better.  I put my heart into art and I was better.  It was so healing for me.

It’s when I realized that creating, writing, visualizing, capturing, making, it’s what I need.  It’s totally me.