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Assumingly Impossible

As the snow, sleet and rain slammed the ground with a clammer of thunder this week I found myself confounded in a mindful venture of fear, rage, confusion, and weird thoughts that pummeled my mind.  Right as the mixture of gloom would seem to let up, a cloud would burst with thunder and ravish the little buds of daffodils, tulips, and hyacinth and I couldn’t help but cheer the little guys on.

“Come on you beautiful signs of warmth, you can do it, just a little longer”

Lucky for them, they’ve got someone like me, and probably many others on their side.  Saving them from the wild world that surrounds them, the rabbits that gnaw at their stems and the insects that infect them with their larva; they’ve got someone like me, and you.  They stand a chance against the impossible and they will make it in this assumingly impossible world.

Until they wither and retract back into their bulb life where they are happy to come out and grace us again next year.

Could my life be that simple?  Pressured by the heat of the seasons to bloom into something extravagant, only to survive that life to its excess in order to retract into my bulb and start fresh again next year?  What is it that we value in society? Why is it that the dollar speaks so much and the heart so little?

It often takes the reality of a blow to your hopes to get your feet back planted on the ground.  It does for me anyway.  I have yearned for stability, and a good dollar to feel comfortable in our future.  But I laugh at that prospect as I often now say, “if I only knew then what I know now.”  The effects of act now pay later, the wisdom of failure, the fortitude of success, the sadness of being complacent.   I always say, I hope I never stop growing and learning new things about myself.  I hope I never say “I know who I am.”  For how boring would that life be?   And here I am trying to force that upon myself like its a status of being an adult in our social society.  Maybe if I didn’t give 100% at everything I did, or didn’t follow my heart would I then be less valuable and prestigious than I already am.

Today, I learned I didn’t get the job that I thought I wanted SO BADLY.  I didn’t honestly have much hope, but I’d be upset with myself for not trying.  Afterwards, while the sun graced my front door I sat on the stoop and enjoyed some big fat seriously delicious strawberries.  I found myself giggling as the juice dripped down my chin, my shirt got covered, and my fingers turned bright pink.  I imagined myself as one of those snapshots parents get of their toddlers with chin dripping watermelon slathered all down their chests, or the teething baby with their onesies once white turned pink.  I always wondered how that happened, because I’d have never experienced it before with a strawberry.  But I’d say I never had a strawberry as good as they were today.

As I sat there I realized, that those are the moments I want my life to be about.  The seconds of unaltered joy created by happenstance that too often we are too
serious to enjoy.  And I thought to myself, that is why I got into the photography business in the first place.  To be free of the rules of school, society, and to rid of the right and wrong in the world.  To focus on those small things.  The moments in our life that we just don’t want to see slip away, and to allow my soul to speak without hindrance.  To allow myself to eat a big stinking strawberry everyday on the front stoop barefooted while the juice makes my toes sticky and disgusting but instead of my cringing my nose in disgust, relishing in excitement.Because I had the big fat strawberry, and I got to eat it too. 


My budding spring-time flowers seem to have survived the storm, and I’m sure they appreciated my support and my “hello”‘s this morning as I took a damage




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